my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
