I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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