Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
