hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
