Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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