Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize