Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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