life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
