I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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