Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
