Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
