when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I intend to get homeless drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
