What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
