He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize