She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize