you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
