I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
