then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
