one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
