we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The Olympian is in my bed
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
