He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
