sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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