I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
