I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
