Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
