Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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