I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
