Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
