if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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