I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
