i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
where are you?
Hypothermia
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
