He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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