I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
