it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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