Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
