Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
