she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize