I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
