On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I believe in your delicious
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
