No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize