Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
