so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize