she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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