A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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