I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
