I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
