babies were throwing up all over the place
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize