put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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