guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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