i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
