im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
