if only i could text you this smell
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just found a bag of teeth...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
