i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
