Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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