My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
