i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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