I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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