people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
