No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
