I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize