Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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