I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
