Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You are a genius and a whore.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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