His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
