Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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