I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
