Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
