im drinking this country out of the recession.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
