as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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