He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
