so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
