I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
