He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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