its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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