sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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